I was talking to my brother the other day about school, and how he got punished for some reason, which reminded me of my own wrong-doings and the punishments I received of my own. Well, yours truly was no angel back then, and below are some of the crazy things I did, and the castigation that ensued.
Offence 1: Not doing Maths corrections
The Punishment: 30 squats @ 20 push-ups
Yeah, you might say this is a lame offence, but this happened back in Secondary One. My Maths teacher was a real 'sweet' guy, as he'd let us choose our punishment type. As my classroom's floor was f'in dirty, I chose to do the squats a.k.a ketuk-ketampi instead. He would let me count myself, which I started with 1,2,3,4,5 before jumping to 9, then 11, 15, and by the time he knew it, my squats were over in no time.
I'd always get away with it, but once he caught me and asked me to do the 30 ketuk-ketampis AND the 20 push-ups; twofold. After that I never forgot to do my corrections ever again.
Offence 2: Eating kuaci in class
The Punishment: Eating kuaci in front of the Afternoon Principal, litter on the floor and picking it up
I wrote a post about this here, man Geography class can really bore you to death. So in order to pay atention in class, I decided to eat kuaci instead, as it was said that kuaci improved brain power and focus. Unfortunately, we got too bold and purposely let the Geography teacher catch us red-handed. And the rest, is history.
Offence 3: Fencing at the back of the class
The Punishment: Fencing in front of the class
Honestly, I don't know what the hell was on my mind back then. My friend and I were sweeping the floor at the back of the class, coz we were punished for some offence, I forgot. I was sweeping when the whole broom's bristles fell off and I was left with the stick only.
My friend thought that it'd be fun and broke his broom and challenged me to a fencing competition. We were having fun before our class teacher caught us and 'invited' us to continue our match in front of the class. Hell, we performed for a good 10 minutes before she asked us to stop.
Guess she was entertained herself.
Offence 4: Fighting in the toilet
The Punishment: Scrubbing the toilet floor with a toothbrush
Sigh.... If only I could control my temper back then. I went to the toilet for a piss after the morning break, minding my own business when one guy came in and made a racist remark.
Guess I couldn't take it and proceeded to beat the crap out of him, to the point of slammin' his head on the wall, twice. Or was it thrice? I only stopped when the prefects came, and was invited for kopi-o at the PK's office. He gave me a long, dragging monologue, before handing me a toothbrush; entrusting me to transform the toilet floor from crap-littered to a glaring sparkle. I went home that day 3 hours late, unable to stand up straight.
Offence 5: Stealing coconuts
The Punishment: Getting hit by a coconut... in the face
There were houses located nearby my school, and the residents use to plant some fruit trees; mangoes, rambutans, durians, you name it. There was this house where we used to steal its coconuts from, and proceeded to break them by throwing the fruits to the edge of the drain, in order to split them open. We would then drink the water and scrape the flesh with a spoon that we stole from the canteen.
Nothing to cool you down like a refreshing glass of coconut juice. I think God might've not liked us stealing, and ensued to hand down some 'divine punishment'. Once I threw the coconut to the drain's edge so hard, the coconut bounced back and hit me squarely in the face.
I was dazed for 5 minutes, before continuing with my attempt to break the coconut again.
Stay tuned for Part II, with wackier and wilder offences I did in school and the punishments that followed.
2008-05-29
2008-05-15
How to NOT SCORE a 2nd date
You've wasted hours and hours to get that girl to go on a date with you, and when the big day comes, you discover that she's not actually what you're looking for. Below are tips that'll make you look tactful, but at the same time sending out 'This is our 1st and last date' message loud and clear.
i. Tell her you're straight
Nowadays, playing the 'I-am-gay' card won't work anymore, as this ain't a foolproof excuse to not see her again. Be creative and tell her that you're straight instead. The smart ones will wonder why the hell you're tellin them this, and will proceed to stay away from you coz you're nuts. The not-so-bright ones shall ponder why you're not using the adjective 'tall' to describe yourself, or might think that you're telling them about your 'little brother'.
ii. Natter about the future
During conversations re-iterate about wedding plans and your future together; and always use the word 'we' or 'our'. A good example; 'I wonder will our children send us to the old folks home like how I'm gonna send your parents & mine there after we get married?' Guaranteed to scare her out of her wits. Be careful though, as this method may backfire and she might stick to you like glue instead. After all, women do love men who's got future plans.
iii. Order a 'tongkat ali' drink
Take her to a nasi kandar restaurant and proceed to order an 'Ali Cafe, shaken-not-stirred' from the waiter. As the mamak stares at you with his mouth agape; turn to look at her and say 'I drink this a lot. A WHOLE DAMN lot; if you know what I mean' and raise your eyebrows in a flirty manner. Works like a charm, as this method has a success rate of 95.7%. Dante-tested, mother approved.
iv. 'Weighted' conversations
Women love men who listen, in fact; women WANT men that listens. Just be the exact opposite. Talk more than listen, if possible; make it a one-sided conversation. Drown her with questions and answer them yourself, and yack about how you successfully prepared a plate of fried rice all by yourself when you were 20 years old. Drone on and on and on, and they'll fall asleep due to boredom. Used to be the bane of my best bud, YY; he was actually turned down 7 times before he actually got to ask 'Can we be more than friends?' Ironic.
v. Playing the trump card
Finally, the 'mother' of the 5 methods. A majority of today's women hate men who're a momma's boy, so continue to use that to your advantage. Call your mom every 15 minutes reporting the status of your date; are you holding hands, your current location, are your pants pressed, and which side did you part your hair. Your date will bade you goodbye before you even know it, throw away her SIM card and delete her MSN account so that you'll never be able to contact her ever again.
Disclaimer note : Results may vary due to the individual's technique of employing the methods, thus the author is not to be held liable for any crap that you wrought upon yourself. After all, yours truly is only human (and the only method that he's ever tried was the 3rd one), moreover; to err is humane. Thank you.
i. Tell her you're straight
Nowadays, playing the 'I-am-gay' card won't work anymore, as this ain't a foolproof excuse to not see her again. Be creative and tell her that you're straight instead. The smart ones will wonder why the hell you're tellin them this, and will proceed to stay away from you coz you're nuts. The not-so-bright ones shall ponder why you're not using the adjective 'tall' to describe yourself, or might think that you're telling them about your 'little brother'.
ii. Natter about the future
During conversations re-iterate about wedding plans and your future together; and always use the word 'we' or 'our'. A good example; 'I wonder will our children send us to the old folks home like how I'm gonna send your parents & mine there after we get married?' Guaranteed to scare her out of her wits. Be careful though, as this method may backfire and she might stick to you like glue instead. After all, women do love men who's got future plans.
iii. Order a 'tongkat ali' drink
Take her to a nasi kandar restaurant and proceed to order an 'Ali Cafe, shaken-not-stirred' from the waiter. As the mamak stares at you with his mouth agape; turn to look at her and say 'I drink this a lot. A WHOLE DAMN lot; if you know what I mean' and raise your eyebrows in a flirty manner. Works like a charm, as this method has a success rate of 95.7%. Dante-tested, mother approved.
iv. 'Weighted' conversations
Women love men who listen, in fact; women WANT men that listens. Just be the exact opposite. Talk more than listen, if possible; make it a one-sided conversation. Drown her with questions and answer them yourself, and yack about how you successfully prepared a plate of fried rice all by yourself when you were 20 years old. Drone on and on and on, and they'll fall asleep due to boredom. Used to be the bane of my best bud, YY; he was actually turned down 7 times before he actually got to ask 'Can we be more than friends?' Ironic.
v. Playing the trump card
Finally, the 'mother' of the 5 methods. A majority of today's women hate men who're a momma's boy, so continue to use that to your advantage. Call your mom every 15 minutes reporting the status of your date; are you holding hands, your current location, are your pants pressed, and which side did you part your hair. Your date will bade you goodbye before you even know it, throw away her SIM card and delete her MSN account so that you'll never be able to contact her ever again.
Disclaimer note : Results may vary due to the individual's technique of employing the methods, thus the author is not to be held liable for any crap that you wrought upon yourself. After all, yours truly is only human (and the only method that he's ever tried was the 3rd one), moreover; to err is humane. Thank you.
Labels:
Here There Everywhere
2008-05-06
Iron Man : Reviewed
It's been a while since I wrote any moview reviews, the last one was Beowulf. Guess I was kinda lazy to review any movies, or some of the movies that I watched weren't worth reviewing.
This year's initial Marvel movie released was Iron Man; which will be followed by Incredible Hulk, one movie that I'll definitely won't miss. I went to catch it last week, and I'd say that the movie was kinda ok.
The story began with Anthony Edwards "Tony" Stark held captive by a bunch of terrorists (ain't this a popular scene in American movies now these days?), and as the story unfolds it shows why and how Stark got himself a glowing flashlight in his chest.
Apparently he was hurt by his own bomb that threatened to kill him, and only by building himself a mini arc reactor in his chest has that kept the shrapnels from entering his heart.
Along with fellow prisoner Yinsen; Stark builds himself a suit that is powered by the reactor in his chest that would ensure their escape from the terrorists. Thus Iron Man Mark I was born, a crude but strong armor, which is actually the first version of Iron Man's armor in the comics. Yinsen dies in order to secure Stark's escape, and the once irresponsible billionaire was transformed into a more conscientious person; and a superhero was born.
Story-wise, the flow was kinda good, up to the point of Stark's rescue. Arthur Marcum and Matt Holloway wrote the script which was later polished by John August, the scriptwriters tried to stay true to Iron Man's origins, which was a good thing.
However, the villain was kind of a let-down, which turned out to be a bigger version of the Mark I, reverse-engineered by villain Obadiah Stane.
The Mark III armor was designed by to Adi Granov; a Bosnian-born comic book artist and conceptual designer, a talented young man that would be a 'future superstar penciller', according to Marvel editor Joe Quesada.
Armors Mark I, Mark II, & Mark III
This year's initial Marvel movie released was Iron Man; which will be followed by Incredible Hulk, one movie that I'll definitely won't miss. I went to catch it last week, and I'd say that the movie was kinda ok.
The story began with Anthony Edwards "Tony" Stark held captive by a bunch of terrorists (ain't this a popular scene in American movies now these days?), and as the story unfolds it shows why and how Stark got himself a glowing flashlight in his chest.
Apparently he was hurt by his own bomb that threatened to kill him, and only by building himself a mini arc reactor in his chest has that kept the shrapnels from entering his heart.
Along with fellow prisoner Yinsen; Stark builds himself a suit that is powered by the reactor in his chest that would ensure their escape from the terrorists. Thus Iron Man Mark I was born, a crude but strong armor, which is actually the first version of Iron Man's armor in the comics. Yinsen dies in order to secure Stark's escape, and the once irresponsible billionaire was transformed into a more conscientious person; and a superhero was born.
Story-wise, the flow was kinda good, up to the point of Stark's rescue. Arthur Marcum and Matt Holloway wrote the script which was later polished by John August, the scriptwriters tried to stay true to Iron Man's origins, which was a good thing.
However, the villain was kind of a let-down, which turned out to be a bigger version of the Mark I, reverse-engineered by villain Obadiah Stane.
The Mark III armor was designed by to Adi Granov; a Bosnian-born comic book artist and conceptual designer, a talented young man that would be a 'future superstar penciller', according to Marvel editor Joe Quesada.
Armors Mark I, Mark II, & Mark III
Granov also happens to be Iron Man comics artist, and I'd say the armor's design was placed in good hands.
The cast was fine I'd say, Robert Downey Jr was convincing as Tony Stark, so was Terence Howard as James Rhodes a.k.a War Machine. The romance between Stark and Pepper Pots (a stunning Gwyneth Paltrow) was delivered in a platonic yet sexy innocent manner, which takes someone as observant as me to notice (ahem).
Obadiah Stane (Iron Monger) was played by Jeff Bridges, who decided to go bald and grow an Amish beard; his performance as villain I'd say was ok as well, hmm.. maybe it was because of the looks and his slang.
Overall, I'd say that the movie wasn't a let-down, and despite the flashy trailers and all director Jon Favreau managed to deliver a presentable movie adaptation of one of Marvel's famous Avengers. Be on the lookout for Incredible Hulk, as there'll be a cameo of Tony Stark appearing the film, and I do hope we get to see War Machine in it's sequel.
p/s: Stay until the credits finish rollin', you might be in for a surprise.
Obadiah Stane (Iron Monger) was played by Jeff Bridges, who decided to go bald and grow an Amish beard; his performance as villain I'd say was ok as well, hmm.. maybe it was because of the looks and his slang.
Overall, I'd say that the movie wasn't a let-down, and despite the flashy trailers and all director Jon Favreau managed to deliver a presentable movie adaptation of one of Marvel's famous Avengers. Be on the lookout for Incredible Hulk, as there'll be a cameo of Tony Stark appearing the film, and I do hope we get to see War Machine in it's sequel.
p/s: Stay until the credits finish rollin', you might be in for a surprise.
Labels:
Re-View
2008-05-02
An eulogy to my friend
I learned on Wednesday night that one of my friends passed away, lung cancer claimed her life. I was dumbfounded, she was just a year older than I was and I thought that like me she would have many more years ahead for her to savor.
Apparently when she learned that she had the disease it was too late, she was already in the terminal stage and doctors told her that she would have only 6 months left. I did not press on for the details, as that would only be an insult to her memory.
The last thing I did ask was when she passed on, it was last November.
She was a good friend, we met on college years and became fast friends. After we obtained our diploma we seldom met, only to bump into each other ocassionally and exchanging short hi-s and bye-s. I'd blame myself for not calling to ask her how she was, because I kept telling myself that I'd do so later, and laters became later-later and eventually I forgot.
I got the call from Nat when I was at home, and after she hung up I just sat there thunderstruck, I couldn't believe that she was gone, just like that. I felt guilty; there I was, claiming myself to be her friend but I didn't know what happened to her even to the end of her days, hearing about her only about her death; that being almost half a year.
Now, the most that I can do is to write a post in honor of her memory; as well as an reprimanding to myself to care for those around me before it's too late.
Farewell Jen, rest in peace.
Apparently when she learned that she had the disease it was too late, she was already in the terminal stage and doctors told her that she would have only 6 months left. I did not press on for the details, as that would only be an insult to her memory.
The last thing I did ask was when she passed on, it was last November.
She was a good friend, we met on college years and became fast friends. After we obtained our diploma we seldom met, only to bump into each other ocassionally and exchanging short hi-s and bye-s. I'd blame myself for not calling to ask her how she was, because I kept telling myself that I'd do so later, and laters became later-later and eventually I forgot.
I got the call from Nat when I was at home, and after she hung up I just sat there thunderstruck, I couldn't believe that she was gone, just like that. I felt guilty; there I was, claiming myself to be her friend but I didn't know what happened to her even to the end of her days, hearing about her only about her death; that being almost half a year.
Now, the most that I can do is to write a post in honor of her memory; as well as an reprimanding to myself to care for those around me before it's too late.
Farewell Jen, rest in peace.
Labels:
Contemplations
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