How to NOT SCORE a 2nd date

You've wasted hours and hours to get that girl to go on a date with you, and when the big day comes, you discover that she's not actually what you're looking for. Below are tips that'll make you look tactful, but at the same time sending out 'This is our 1st and last date' message loud and clear.

i. Tell her you're straight

Nowadays, playing the 'I-am-gay' card won't work anymore, as this ain't a foolproof excuse to not see her again. Be creative and tell her that you're straight instead. The smart ones will wonder why the hell you're tellin them this, and will proceed to stay away from you coz you're nuts. The not-so-bright ones shall ponder why you're not using the adjective 'tall' to describe yourself, or might think that you're telling them about your 'little brother'.

ii. Natter about the future

During conversations re-iterate about wedding plans and your future together; and always use the word 'we' or 'our'. A good example; 'I wonder will our children send us to the old folks home like how I'm gonna send your parents & mine there after we get married?' Guaranteed to scare her out of her wits. Be careful though, as this method may backfire and she might stick to you like glue instead. After all, women do love men who's got future plans.

iii. Order a 'tongkat ali' drink

Take her to a nasi kandar restaurant and proceed to order an 'Ali Cafe, shaken-not-stirred' from the waiter. As the mamak stares at you with his mouth agape; turn to look at her and say 'I drink this a lot. A WHOLE DAMN lot; if you know what I mean' and raise your eyebrows in a flirty manner. Works like a charm, as this method has a success rate of 95.7%. Dante-tested, mother approved.

iv. 'Weighted' conversations

Women love men who listen, in fact; women WANT men that listens. Just be the exact opposite. Talk more than listen, if possible; make it a one-sided conversation. Drown her with questions and answer them yourself, and yack about how you successfully prepared a plate of fried rice all by yourself when you were 20 years old. Drone on and on and on, and they'll fall asleep due to boredom. Used to be the bane of my best bud, YY; he was actually turned down 7 times before he actually got to ask 'Can we be more than friends?' Ironic.

v. Playing the trump card

Finally, the 'mother' of the 5 methods. A majority of today's women hate men who're a momma's boy, so continue to use that to your advantage. Call your mom every 15 minutes reporting the status of your date; are you holding hands, your current location, are your pants pressed, and which side did you part your hair. Your date will bade you goodbye before you even know it, throw away her SIM card and delete her MSN account so that you'll never be able to contact her ever again.

Disclaimer note : Results may vary due to the individual's technique of employing the methods, thus the author is not to be held liable for any crap that you wrought upon yourself. After all, yours truly is only human (and the only method that he's ever tried was the 3rd one), moreover; to err is humane. Thank you. 


KaV said...

tongkat ali was never a competition for a roti naan and an ais kosong.. if you know wat i mean, bro,..... **winks**

tony redgrave said...

i do know what u mean, bro....

u got some free-lovin' after that stint; and i still can't get over that one, lol.

tulipspeaks said...

hahahaha.. a good one!

it may work after all!! :)


tony redgrave said...

well ammu, the 3rd one worked like a charm; don't know bout the other 4... yet. ;)

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