Enter the Toilet (Master)

I was making my way out from the food court yesterday when something caught my eye. Right smack in the middle of the food court sat a... toilet bowl. Naturally, I was intrigued and stopped to look at why the hell a toilet bowl was sitting dead center at an eating outlet and kept flushing itself after a 10-second interval (yeah, I did count how many seconds it re-flushed itself).

It turned out I was in for a surprise. Apparently, the toilet bowl was for sale, and its sales representative told me that this was a 'hygienic toilet'. According to him, the toilet seat was a place where germs were a-plenty and you can catch Pruritus ani (Tautkus Butt) from there.

Enter the 'Toilet Master', a revolutionary toilet bowl that cleans the seat with disnfectant liquid everytime you flush, regardless of whether you take a dump or a piss. Also, the flush water uses distilled water that ensures your toilet bowl clean, and 99.99% free from germs. What's more, you can set the toilet's timer to automatically flush if some moron in your house or at the public forget or just can't be bothered to flush.

In a package, he told me, I have a toilet that cleans itself, and no need to worry about catching ass-related diseases. The price, a whooping 500 bucks, a real deal he ensured me. 'This invention will revolutionize how we berkumuh'; he told me. He was very enthusiastic while explaning, it seemed he had passion in his job and wasn't embarassed at what he was selling. I asked him how many he managed to sell so far. Turned out that he had been here for 3 days, but so far I was the only one who had listened to his whole sales pitch; the others simply walked away after they heard that the bowl was for sale.

Guess that made his day, as he presented me with a bottle of toilet seat disinfectant, on the house.

Just when I thought I'd seen everything; now there are all-in-one hygienic toilet bowls for sale at food courts. I take my hat off to you Philip; for your enthuisiasm and courage (and not forgetting the free disinfectant), may you be able to transfigure the toilet industry.

Rencontre'

I met someone unexpected today, at 7-Eleven. Come to think of it, it's been eight years since we last met, the last venue being the same place as well. It so happened that I just finished some overtime (there's a shitload of work everyday of the week), and was heading home before I decided to grab some bread for tomorrow's breakfast.

I stopped at the mart on my way home, walked in and proceeded to grab the bread before paying at the counter. I was browsing through my wallet for some spare change that I didn't realize that there was somebody in front of me and bumped headlong into the figure. I was about to apologize when I realized that it was her. I recognized her instantly, as she did me.

I still remember the day when we first met, at 7-11; we were both tuition mates back then, Chemistry tuition mates to be exact. The meeting was actually by chance, I was paying for my large Slurpee whereas she just walked in, we looked at each other before she conferred me a smile. It was one of those smiles that'll make your heart melt, well at least mine, anyway.

During my 2ndary school days I was rather stiff with girls, the moment she smiled I was a bit taken aback, before my brains shouted 'Smile back, nitwit!'. It was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. From there on we made it a point to greet each other with a smile, her smile everytime thawing me out. I cycled to tuition back then, and when classes were over she'd make it a point to look back as her car passed me by, and I'd return her gaze until she was out of sight.

However, I was too gutless to ask her out, let alone asking her name. My buddy, Yan urged me to go ahead, but sadly I was too chicken to do so. Eventually, SPM examinations came, the classes came to an end and I've never seen her since.

I've almost forgotten about it, having only those memories rekindled tonight. We met each other at the same place the path of our lives crossed, only to learn that both of us were already seeing someone. She told me she felt happy seeing me, as it was unexpected and pleasant as well, I remember her saying these words before we parted, 'It's destiny we saw each other tonight. I felt glad seeing you again,' before presenting me with her same sweet smile I knew so well, as a parting gift.

We understood each other, it was already too late for anything. Guess that a small part of me (ok, I admit it was rather a big part of me) wanted more than the current situation, but nah... life is already complicated enough. There are those relationships that are one of a kind, unique special ones, and this was one of them. No strings, no boundaries. Abstract relationships, I think that's what they are called. Undefined yet evocative.

This time, although I had the courage, I didn't ask for her name, I just wanted to remember her by her smile. Who knows, things might've turned out different if I had the guts to ask her out then, I wouldn't have known Nat, and she would never have known her bloke. Damn, again I'm harbouring hopes. Ah well, no point talking about what-ifs and what-nots.

As I saw her walk out through that door, towards the car that was waiting for her, I replied; 'As do I.... As do I.'

Celebrating Liberty

Salyu 「LIBERTY」

To commemorate;

i. the results of the recent elections
ii. the freedom to write, speak, and act
iii. no more impartiality ( well, at least not so obvious)
iv. my own freedom
v. Malaysia's & her people's long-lost liberty

p/s: Let's hope the opposition doesn't screw us upside down.

A Dose of Backstreet Boys in the Mornin'

This morning I had a little chat with my buddy Kav online, who happened to mention about the once famous boy band BSB (Backstreet Boys) will be coming to town. My 'BSB mood' was jolted, and below is what happened.

Dante says:

am i…..

Dante says:

your fire

Dante says:

your one

Dante says:

desire…..

KaviLaN says:

eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Dante says:

but we

KaviLaN says:

:-O

Dante says:

are 2 worlds…..

Dante says:

Can’t reach to your heart

Dante says:

When you say

Dante says:

i want it that way

Dante says:

tell me why

Dante says:

ain’t nothing but a heartbreak

Dante says:

tell me why

Dante says:

ain’t nothing but a mistake

Dante says:

i nvr wanna hear u say

Dante says:

iiiiiiiiiiii want it that way

Dante says:

c’mon dude

Dante says:

sing-a-long

KaviLaN says:

iiiiiiii—-iiiiiiiiiiii waaaaaaantttt itt ttthhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttt waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy

Dante says:

yeah baby

KaviLaN says:

backstreet’s back, alrite!

Dante says:

hahaha

Dante says:

omigod we’re back again!

KaviLaN says:

brothers and sisters lemme hear u siiiinggg

KaviLaN says:

am i the only one?!!!

Dante says:

yeah……

Dante says:

am i original?!

KaviLaN says:

yeah

KaviLaN says:

am i sexual?!!!

KaviLaN says:

+o( **barf**

Dante says:

+o( **barf**

Dante says:

yeah……

Dante says:

am i everything u need u better rock ur body now

Dante says:

EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!

KaviLaN says:

yeaaaahhh— eaahhhh!

Dante says:

ROCK YOUR BODY!!!!!!!

KaviLaN says:

wats the song wit the spaceship video clip and shit?

Dante says:

i have no idea

Dante says:

hey

KaviLaN says:

it has a catchy tune laaa…

Dante says:

this song was about vampirs, werewolves and crap

Dante says:

the MV i mean

Dante says:

the spaceship thingy was ‘larger than life’

KaviLaN says:

yeah yeah…

KaviLaN says:

how did it go again?

Dante says:

remember?

Dante says:

wait

KaviLaN says:

All you people can’t you see, can’t you see!!!!

Dante says:

All you people can’t you see, can’t you see

KaviLaN says:

How your love’s affecting our reality!!!!

Dante says:

how ur love’s affecting our reality

Dante says:

everytime we’re down

Dante says:

u can make it right

KaviLaN says:

and that makes u laaaarrrrggggeeeerr than LIFE!!!!

Dante says:

alright……

Dante says:

hahaha

KaviLaN says:

now let’s go kill ourselves

Dante says:

i’d suggest running headlong to a brick wall

KaviLaN says:

why dont we just poke our fucking eyes out wit a fork?

Dante says:

nah. that’s not fatal

Dante says:

a dose of rat poison will do the job

KaviLaN says:

blame it on the backside boys…

Dante says:

hahaha

Dante says:

we may hate them

Dante says:

but admit it

Dante says:

it’s fun to listen to them once a while

KaviLaN says:

they’re in my secret playlist - songs i dont want other ppl to know that im listening

Dante says:

hahaha

Dante says:

dude

Dante says:

there’s no need to take that kind of drastic measures

Dante says:

u gotta let ppl know about ur ’soft’ side

Dante says:

especially women

KaviLaN says:

gtg now dude… shitload of work has just been assigned

Dante says:

same here

Dante says:

later bro

And there you have it, 2 men talking about BSB and suicide during working hours. A waste of money, brains and time (a tribute to dear ol' Amanda.)

 

The Breakfast Scenario

To be doing good deeds is man's most glorious task. I beg to differ, Sophocles.

This morning, I decided to break-a-way from my ever so-comfortable routine of getting up 15 minutes before the time I'm supposedly to clock in, rushing my ass to the office; managing only to reach my office exactly at 8. Instead I decided to go for breakfast at McD, to have a good meal before slowly strutting to work.

The place was located adjacent to a petrol station, beside the freeway; it's one of those one-stop petrol stations that you see in the TV (where there's virtually everything there); I managed to reach the place at 7.25 a.m., it was a 15-minute drive from my place and proceeded to order my desired breakfast set, which consisted of a Sausage McMuffin with Egg, a Hash Brown, and a hot cuppa tea. I was enjoying my breakfast, the good food, the fresh morning breeze, 'beautiful' scenery (I chose to sit outside); quality time well-spent before the horrors of programming for the next 9 hours.

I was lamenting about what to do if I had a million pounds (whilst waiting for the steaming hot tea to cool) when I was approached by an elderly frail Chinese lady. She was hesitant at first, pacing around briefly before finally mustering her courage to ask me, "Boy, can you help me?" Naturally, I was shocked (and a slightly irittated coz my day-dreaming was interrupted) and responded with enquiring what help she needed.

It turned out that she needed somebody to help her with refilling her Kancil's tires with air, apparently she didn't know how to operate the air compressor and there was no petrol attendants to help her out. Well, being the ocassional good Samaritan that I was, I agreed to help her out, leaving my half-munched burger, the untouched hash brown and a good three-quarters of tea behind and accompanied her to the car. She requested that I only have to fill up the front tires, but my 'light-side' got the better of me; I decided to fill the rear tires as well. After getting my hands dirtied (man, the tires were soiled with tire rust) but the job done, she thanked me profusely and handed me a tissue to clean my hands.

I beamed at her, saying it was nothing; the feeling of helping somebody out made me feel good, and I was whistling as I made my way back to my abandoned breakfast. I was about to reach my table when I realized that the tray containing my breakfast was... gone. I enquired the staff and it seemed that one of the McD cleaners thought I already left and cleared out my table. I was dumbfounded as I was disappointed; I managed to mumble a 'never-mind' even though the guy apologized.

A good breakfast gone to waste

In the end, I reached my office late because of the whole damn scenario that could've turned out to be an enjoyable morning. Glorious task? I don't think so.